Winston Churchill once said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”[1]
In a world filled with noise, I have experienced firsthand the causes of distractions that effect how well I listen to individuals around me. As people, we strive for attention in ways such as wanting to be heard, desiring to be controlling, and wanting to be talking. However, a person must have humility to actively hear those around him or her. Through understanding the neglect of listening in society, recognizing our need to internalize, and knowing what the Lord teaches us by listening, each person can improve in understanding the individuals around him or her and in listening to the Lord.
The neglect of empathetic listening is a crucial factor to comprehend before a person can improve upon this skill. These three main factors attribute to why we do not fully listen to individuals around us: we think we are already good listeners, we pridefully want to dominate conversation, and we want to gain control with our voice. Our selfish nature longs to dominate conversations. Assertively, most people fail to improve this skill because they assume they are attentive listeners.
As said by professor David Benner, “A major obstacle to growth in our listening abilities is that most of us already think [we are] good listeners”[2] (The Listening Life, 11).
We speak in volumes, but listen in snippets.
I can recall countless moments when I wanted to say something in a conversation but did not feel my voice welcomed because of others interrupting me. When this situation occurs, it makes us feel unvalued. I can recall countless moments when I wanted to say something in a conversation but did not feel my voice welcomed because of others interrupting me. When I was around the age of twelve it seemed like our family schedule was a rat race. Stress had reached its limit, our lives were filled with noise, and I began to grow quiet. While outwardly my family’s life might have seemed like a super-family, we forgot how to listen to each other. With three extroverted younger brothers, I went into my protective shell and decided to only talk when absolutely necessary. In order to want to be heard, people would dominate the conversation. For a long time people thought I was just shy- but I wasn’t. I found myself preferring to be quiet than being misunderstood by other people. By God’s grace, over a few years everyone in my family was able to improve upon their communication skills and learn that listening to understand each other is more valuable than any errand, activity, or obligation. Each family member realized that the root of our communication problem was selfishness. Our selfish nature tries to manipulate conversation instead of fully, actively, and intentionally listening to individuals around us. Every family, couple, and individual has the ability to let the Lord show them how to surrender their selfish nature to Him. Instead of listening, we speak. Instead of selflessness, we control. Instead of understanding, we assume. It is not just other people that can improve in this skill- it’s each one of us realizing how we neglect empathetic listening.
The need to internalize what people say is detrimental to our relationships. Just because a person hears someone does not mean that he or she cares about what they are saying. In everyday life, failure to comprehend what the speaker is saying creates a pathway for both misunderstandings and miscommunication.
According to Psychology Today, “Sixty-nine percent of people think they are good listeners.”[3]
However, in society we can see how divorces and broken families happen regularly because of miscommunications that nurture anger that grows like a wildfire. Sadly, these examples are all too common. Extreme instances are not the only form of miscommunication, though. Recently, my father had instructed me to take my youngest sibling to his football practice. However, when my father gave me instructions to take my brother, I was attempting to multitask and, therefore, did not internalize what he had said. Consequently, my lack of active listening resulted in my youngest bother being late for his football practice. Not only does the lack of understanding the meaning of what speakers say contribute to fragmented relationships, but it also results in negative emotions from the speaker that often lead to psychological effects such as loneliness and depression. Internalization shows that we value other individuals and sincerely care about what they have to say.
The most important person to listen to is the Lord, and how we know what He is teaching us comes through the act of listening. The Lord primarily communicates with us through Scripture, but also through his Holy Spirit.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer described the relationship between our interactions with other people and time in Scripture well when he said, “Just as our love for God begins with listening to God’s Word, the beginning of love for other Christians is learning to listen to them.”[4]
Additionally, we can see how He communicates through the Holy Spirit in John 14:26 (John 14:26, ESV) which says, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” [5] Through listening to individuals who are seen, every person can improve on how well he or she listens to the Holy Spirit. The words for “listening” and obeying are inextricably linked in the primary languages of the Bible: Greek, Hebrew, and Latin. The Hebrew word for this is actually “Shema”. The act of listening started redemption’s history, the words listen and obey have the same root. In Latin, Greek, and Hebrew the word "obey" wouldn't exist without the word "listen." The word we translate into English as "obedience" literally means "listening from below. (Howard Hedricks, The Listening Life).
NT Scholar Scot McNight says that the word “Listen” appears in the Bible OVER 15 hundred times and is most frequently used when people DO NOT LISTEN.” (The Listening Life, 15)
Revelation illustrates the idea of listening as someone opening another door to let someone in. From the beginning of Scripture, to Revelation, listening is characterized as the central act of the people of God. Listening is an act of obedience to the Lord. In everyday life, active listening can be practiced by letting the other person speak first without interrupting. Although simple, this easy practice can help grow people into stronger servant listeners. The reasons we should value other people’s voices are many, but the priority of listening to the Lord’s voice is priceless.
In conclusion, how we listen to people around us reflects how we listen to the Lord. Through understanding the neglect of listening in society, recognizing our need to internalize, and prioritizing what the Lord teaches us by listening, each person can improve in understanding individuals around him or her and in listening to the Lord. Each person can make improvements and become a stronger active listener. As James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”[6] (James 1:19, NIV) May we have the courage to listen to those around us and ultimately glorify God through active listening.
[A] McHugh, A. S. (2015). Introduction. In The Listening life: Embracing attentiveness in a world of distraction (pp.). essay, IVP Books. [1] Winston Churchill Quotes. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved October 15, 2022, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/winston_churchill_161628 [2] McHugh, A. S. (2015). Introduction. In The listening life: Embracing attentiveness in a world of distraction (pp.). essay, IVP Books. [3] Drinko, C. (n.d.). We're Worse at Listening Than we Realize. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 15, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/play-your-way-sane/202108/were-worse-listening-we-realize [4] Dietrich Bonhoeffer. A. (n.d.). Retrieved October 16, 2022, from https://www.azquotes.com/quote/908430?ref=listening-to-god [5] Bible gateway passage: John 14:26 - English standard version. Bible Gateway. (n.d.). Retrieved October 16, 2022, from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+14%3A26&version=ESV [6] James 1:19, Zondervan NIV Study Bible (K. L. Barker, Ed.; Full rev. ed.). (2002). Zondervan.
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